Habits

Lately, I have noticed that I have been staying up late with nothing to show for it. It's not like I have been composing a symphony or writing a novel under the influence of the moonlight. No, I have been avoiding sleep with the same unproductive routine.

Step 1: Sit on couch and open laptop
Step 2: Open Facebook
Step 3: Close Facebook
Step 4: Stare at desktop
Step 5: Re-open Facebook
Step 6: Fall asleep at computer screen

Depressing, huh? I find that this routine begins earlier and ends later after lazy summer days. The less I am inclined to do, the less I accomplish, and the more I begin to resemble a vegetable-robot. It's almost as if I am an automated machine shaped like a couch potato and programmed to waste precious dreaming hours surfing the hypnotizing and endless waves of the internet. Perhaps I am avoiding sleep; either afraid of what my subconscious will project on the backs of my eyelids, or the reality I will wake up to in the morning.

Last night, I had one of the most terrifying and distressing dreams of my life. I don't recall exactly what had happened, but I remember it had been about school. All I know is that when I woke up, I felt physically anxious. Perhaps I had forgotten to register for classes, and now I was now destined to fail school. The worst part about it all is that I have had this dream before! Reoccurring nightmares about school... I've heard I will be condemned with them all of my life. Lovely.

However, as bad as these nightmares may be, reality, at times, has been much worse. Many times I have felt the feeling you get when you jerk awake from a dream, as if you had been free falling and were about to hit the ground. In reality, I have been pushed off many theoretical cliffs, shoved down emotional wells, and had the rug of "my future" pulled out from under me. Free falling in foreign sky is no stranger to me. I must say that it is much harder to wake up from reality than a dream, but entirely possible. All it takes is faith, imagination, and determination. I have learned that there is a process that will bring not temporary, but lasting happiness.

Step 1: Imagine your life being brilliantly different.
Step 2: Have faith that your life will change.
Step 3: Make all of your possible effort to make that change.
Step 4: Never give up.

These steps are radically different from the habitual late-night wandering that has become so routine to me. This game plan will and already has, without fail, brought me victory.  It's physics. Once I am set in motion, the only way I will stop is if I stop making the effort; if I force myself to stop progressing. That is why step 4 is so important. If my will remains strong, nothing can stop me. I will be undefeated, and "giving up" will be an action I don't comprehend. I'm not saying that my younger siblings will stop breaking my cell phone and iPod, or that my parents will never say NO again. It would be impossible to promise that my teachers will abolish homework and give out A's like candy on Halloween, and even more impossible to promise that I will find my dream job tomorrow or get that raise I have been working so hard for. What I can promise is that if you follow these steps, you will be happy. No matter who says that you look fat, or suck at singing, you won't be bothered by it. It might hurt a little, maybe even a lot, but you will be able to go right back to eating your quart of ice cream and belting "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" in the shower--and feel great about it.

However, a crucial element of this plan is humility. It is necessary to be humble enough to accept change, and to ask for help. It is impossible to do this alone. The most reliable and helpful person I have ever come to know is our Savior, Jesus Christ. Prayer has saved me throughout every "free-falling" instance in my life. There is no way I could get through a single day without praying for help from Christ. Prayer is a habit I highly recommend.

As you gain confidence in yourself, and are able to bounce-back from the beatings the world gives you, It will be easier to make goals. And not only make goals, but achieve them. As I remember forgotten motivation, and discover long-lost confidence, my habits are changed. I no longer feel the need to stay up late at night, searching for something in an empty world. I shed my robot costume and resume my role as a loving friend, responsible older sister, and self-motivated young woman.


Of course there are chinks in my armor and falters in my confidence, but it is always possible to smooth out the chinks, and strengthen my confidence. Effort and endurance create habits. And good habits bring happiness.